Mercy's Reason
by valiasedai
Summary: Lani Brosca reveals the true reason for sparing Zevran's life. Graphic content warning.


_AN: This is a one-shot, though I may return to this particular pairing in future writing. The M rating is due to __**graphic descriptions of violence and a recounting of an attempted rape**__. If you are concerned with triggering factors based on either of the above,__** do not read**__. Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you for reading!_

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"I don't understand. Why him? Why not me?" Alistair's words may have sounded childish, but Lani saw the pain behind his eyes as she spoke. She looked up at the man who was her friend and brother in arms. He wanted her, despite her constant deflection of his attentions and her frequent nights with Zevran.

"Because you don't understand and you never will." Lani may have understood the sincerity in his words, but she did her best to stay cold. She thought the former Templar had understood her when she'd turned down his rose and avoided even the slightest flirtations.

Alistair opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. "I've seen the disapproval behind your eyes, the way you look at me. Don't think I don't know that see me as some lost soul to be saved and made better. I've already been redeemed and it was by Duncan, not you."

He recoiled, as if he'd been slapped. "What... what does that mean?"

"It means that Duncan gave meaning to a life where my two choices were to spread my legs or slit throats, simply by the virtue of who my mother was. Zevran understands that, he knows what it is to be forced to kill to eat, to be used..." Lani felt tears stinging her eyes. "Just leave me alone." She turned and ran, stupidly stumbling off into the forest alone, away from camp, away from him. Memories of Dust Town crept into her head, taunting her. The leering eyes and grabbing hands, the way Beraht had thought she'd lay back and take it like a good little girl. Initially furious, Beraht had eventually hired her to pay for her sister's lessons and clothes. Lani still hated what Rica had gone through, what she must have endured under Beraht. He was dead now, but unless Rica had managed to snag a noble...

Tripping over a tree branch, Lani fell hard. The sudden impact didn't hurt, but it did knock the wind out of her. Struggling to her breath back, she heard the sound of footsteps behind her. Clawing her way back to her feet, she tried to take deep breaths, only to find it impossible. _Damn you, I told you to leave me alone!_

The footsteps grew closer and slowed. Lani closed her eyes and turned around, ready for a fight. Lips met hers and hands were in her short blonde hair, familiar and delicate, soothing. Zevran. He pulled away and fixed his pale brown eyes to hers.

He almost purred at her, his accent only accentuating the tenderness in his voice. "Little Lani, just what are you doing covered in dirt and twigs, hmm? You know how much I despise dirt." As if to assert his displeasure he picked a leaf out of her hair and eyed it disdainfully before tossing it aside.

Unable to help herself, Lani laughed softly. "You wouldn't have lasted a month among the Dalish, you know that?"

The tattooed lines on Zevran's cheek curved with his smile. "Come, I lasted two weeks! Surely, that is a close enough thing. Besides, most things are more... romantic, when it comes to tales."

Trying to brush her hair out, Lani looked at Zevran with one eyebrow raised. "Most?"

He moved to help her and his deft fingers began coming through her hair. "Yes, most. The allure of dwarven women and the prowess of Grey Wardens seems to have lived up to my expectations." Fingers brushed her neck and Lani shivered. "Though the former is particularly true."

"And here I thought surfacers believed there _were_ no dwarven women, or that most of them had beards!" Lani had certainly heard enough barbs directed at her, mostly alluding to the surprise at being able to tell she was a woman, though there were others jesting she was only a stumpy human. She'd gotten in more than a few fights over it, but hadn't lost one.

"In Ferelden, perhaps, but in Antiva beautiful dwarves can make quite a living satisfying men's curiosities. As can any qunari females, though I've not quite found the appeal myself." Zevran had moved around her now, eyes intent as he plucked out yet another offending twig.

Lani tried to imagine Sten in a dress and burst out giggling. Zevran fixed her with an inquiring look. Trying to stifle her laughter, Lani covered her mouth. "I'm just imaging Sten... in a dress."

Zevran shook his head with a grin. "Oh no, they are very different from Sten. Quite charming, really." He brushed a thumb against her cheek as if wiping away a bit of dirt. "Now, will you tell me what had you running through the woods like a debtor evading his collectors?"

Lani pouted, despite already knowing it was entirely ineffective when it came to him. "That's not fair, Zev. I was just beginning to forget about it. But, I suppose I'd tell you sooner or later. He approached me again, wanting to know why it's you and not him."

Zevran nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "Ah... yes, he thinks that even though you share my bed there is something to be saved in you, yes?" There was no ire or disdain in his voice.

Sighing irritably, Lani crossed her arms. "Yes, something like that. He has no idea what it's like to grow up the way I did... the way you did. I know they're not exactly the same, but, it's more than growing up in a castle then a chantry, knowing you're the bastard son of a king. He can't understand that about me. Ever."

Zev's face took on a cool look. "Yes, he does seem to think we both need redeeming, doesn't he?" When she nodded, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close. "And yet, here we are, together and, dare I say, redeemed in our own ways?"

Snuggling against Zevran's chest as best she could with both of them fully armored, Lani murmured contentedly. "Yes, and _I_ dare say further redemption would ruin certain... enjoyable aspects of our relationship, wouldn't you?"

A throaty laugh escaped Zevran's lips. "Oh yes, little Lani, and Maker-forbid we interfere with that." He kissed the top of her head affectionately before drawing away. "Yet you still hide something, yes?"

Lani flicked her eyes away. "Yes." She let the silence hang for several moments, hoping he would get bored or break the silence, but she waited in vain. "Have you ever wondered why I didn't end up like my sister? There are plenty of men stronger than I am that Beraht could have hired, and I could have been done up into another pretty little noble hunter like my sister." In truth, were it not for their coloring, they could have passed as twins. Rica's red hair and pale skin made her beauty more classic among the dwarves, but Lani's blonde hair and rich bronze skin were more unusual. They shared the same blue eyes though, the same bone structure and even their noses were almost identical.

Zevran smiled at her as he took her face in. "You are certainly beautiful enough to snag a prince. However, I doubt strength is all that's needed for that pesky shield and sword of yours."

Lani nodded. "Yes, there's quickness, skill, a certain lightness on your feet... particularly if you need to end it quick without getting injured. Still though, dwarven women in general are pushed to find higher-caste men to get children on." She had always hated that expectation, always inwardly revolted against being useful only for the potential to birth a male child more important than she.

An uncomfortable knot formed in her stomach as she remembered the first time Beraht had threatened to kill her. "I had just turned sixteen, the general age at which female dwarves are considered developed enough for professional whoring. Many turn to prostitution much earlier, but I'd managed to stay out by joining my mother cleaning the chimney or picking up garbage. Zevran nodded, urging her to go on. "Rica was nearing nineteen and Beraht had finally decided he'd allow her to join his... collection of casteless girls. He had over a dozen he'd fixed up, and all but one had found themselves nobles who were interested. Usually a sibling or parent worked for him to pay off the debt." Blinking away the beginnings of tears, Lani hunched her shoulders in shame. "He wanted me to whore myself out to pay for my sister. She didn't know about it, and he'd threatened to kill both of us if I didn't comply. Within a week he'd found a high-standing merchant with a penchant for young, untouched girls."

Zevran put a finger to her lips, shushing her quietly. "My Lani, you do not need to continue. I know what it is to be sold for the pleasure of another."

She shook her head and met his eyes as she reached a hand to take his. "No. You need to know this, you need to know why it is I trust you. You are not so alone as you think, Zevran Arainai." She gave him a half-smile before continuing.

"I was to meet him in a discreet area in the Commons, somewhere it would be dark, not very noticeable. Beraht had several such areas he'd rent out around the city, and a few he owned, but those were reserved for nobles with nosey wives. I spent so much time trying to look presentable I was late. The merchant was none too happy and told me to just get undressed so he could get on with it. I began doing what I was asked, reminding myself that it was keeping my sister alive, when he grabbed me and threw me on the bed. He muttered something about not needing anything special and started trying to push my skirts up. I panicked and started to push him away when he hit me."

Swallowing hard, Lani tried to calm her breath and keep her emotions at bay. "The pain set something loose in me that night. Before I'd been determined but quiet, not necessarily accepting of my status and caste, but for all my rebellious heart I knew I had to do what needed to be done. This was different from the numerous beating my mother had rained down on me ever since I could remember, different even from the times I'd been attacked or bullied by men in the street." Images crowded her mind, flashing through, all of them colored with warm, red blood that shimmered in the candlelight. _A cracking sound announced the broken jaw of the merchant only a split second before his roar of pain and fury. She had not wasted any time, fighting him to the floor with her hands and legs and teeth. Once lying down and prone, he hadn't had a chance. The fury that filled her that night drove her, her fists working until the pain in them bade her stop. When she had finished the man's face had been gone, a bloody mask left in its place. The power coursing through her at that moment had been worth the pain. The kill had put her in control of her own destiny for the first time in her life._

"I killed him with my bare hands and didn't even notice what I'd done until I grew so tired I couldn't hit him anymore. Normally, that would be a death sentence for a casteless who dared to even injure one with a caste, but I needed to survive. My hands were both broken and the true pain had begun to set in." _Fire in her hands, pain so exquisite she could have sworn every fracture was a curse from the Stone. She had only turned to wash them, wash her face. There was nothing to be done for her blood-drenched skirts, however, and she knew she'd have to try and get to Dust Town unseen. One last scrub and she had forced her hands to work the door mechanism, fumbling and painful as they were. The commons were empty, only two lone guards on patrol. They had just passed and were nearing the end of the common area. She had kept her eyes trained on them, counting their steps, noting their progress. Three terrifying rounds she had watched, but they had not seen her branded face as it followed their every move. As they neared the end of their third round she had turned, hooking her arms under the merchant's armpits, dragging him to the door. She had timed it right._

"I managed to drag him across the wide area of the commons, behind a merchant's stall before the guards came back. I hid, begging the ancestors that they wouldn't notice the long red streak of blood, but I knew better." _She hadn't been scared to die, but she knew Rica was. Pretty, talented Rica who had so much hope, killed by the sister who couldn't spread her legs like a good dwarf woman was supposed to. As she waited for her death a crashing noise broke the silence. The sound of the two guards running _away_ from her had brought her back to life_. "Something loud happened and the guards ran to inspect. I dragged the body a few more feet before I managed to get it on top of the low wall that brinks the chasm in Orzammar's central cavern. Hot molten rock fills it, always, warming and lighting the outside areas. With my last bit of effort I heaved him over the edge." _She had watched him fall, landing as if he had hit solid stone. Flame had engulfed him as the magma had slowly given way, embracing his body. The Stone had hidden her crime._

Lani drew a deep breath. "The guards returned almost immediately after and ran up to me, asking so many questions. Why was a casteless there? Why was I covered in so much blood?" Letting out a derisive snort, Lani shook her head. "I told them I had given birth earlier that day, to a daughter, someone doomed to be another casteless. I told them I'd gone to the man who had impregnated me and he had beaten me until I bled again, that he had dragged me there to throw me and our daughter over. I told them he'd thrown my daughter when the loud clatter had scared him off. They weren't sympathetic, but they believed me. They told me to do the smart thing and have a son next time, before dragging me off of the Common area with a sharp kick into Dust Town." _They had called her a stupid casteless whore, but she knew better. They were the stupid ones, the ones so numb to the wrongness of everything that a dead newborn meant nothing to them. It was their stupidity that had saved her though, and she remembered that lesson_. "Beraht was going to kill me, but he didn't find out for a few days, and by that point everyone assumed the merchant had returned topside. Nothing came of it, no inquiries, no investigations. Beraht was clean, he'd gotten paid for services that never had to be rendered, and he'd found himself a fighter pretty enough to distract a man while his other thugs moved in for the kill."

Letting her gaze drift to Zevran's eyes once again, she bit her lip with worry. "That's what you needed to know, Zev. That's why I let you live after you told me you'd been bought and forced to be what you were. I know what it's like to have no choice in life and be forced into what you are. It doesn't mean denying all of it once you're free. Even if you didn't choose it, it can still be a part of who you are."

Zevran leaned down and rubbed her nose against hers. "Thank you for telling me, Lani. It's good to know you understand."He took a hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing it lightly."And now I know where the scars came from."

Lani felt the shame and sadness melting away. "A healer who had committed murder lived near us and saw to my wounds. He had to make several cuts to make sure the bones were set straight and the tendons were aligned. It was the most painful thing I've had to endure, even as drunk as my mother had gotten me, but it healed well." Her hands had never been the quite same again, but they could grip a sword and shield and form a fist.

Zevran put an arm around her waist and pressed the small of her back lightly, motioning for them to walk. She complied, staying close, and they moved slowly. "When we return to invoke that treaty of yours, I will be by your side. As long as we are in Orzammar, I swear I shall never leave it."

Lani stopped and drew Zevran in for a kiss, deeper than the ones before. When they finally parted she found herself smiling again. "I'll hold you to that oath, Zev."

Zevran laughed in delight. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
